Who am I?

I like to believe that every person who manages to get to a point when they can call their life comfortable, whatever that means to them, has two options: (1) be content with the current state of things, or (2) challenge themselves and seek improvement. The first one is easy - you don’t have to do anything because you are, well, great already. The second option is a bit more complicated, as it involves stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing the unknown. Who in their right mind would choose that path, right?

Luckily, I am not entirely in my right mind.

I was 23 at the time, and for a while, I had been pondering on my next steps for personal growth. I felt stuck, trapped in a cocoon of comfort - I had a great job, a stable financial situation, lovely friends, and a supportive family. I had nothing to complain about which, in my mind, was a big problem. Coincidentally on one sunny summer day in 2022, we had brunch with our Israeli family friends. One of them said: “Hey Alekss, you are young and can take great risks, why are you in Latvia? Go check out this program that helps you find a job in Israel in a high-tech company. They will help you start a life there, gain lots of experience, and meet new friends; if you don’t like it, you can always come back.” Believe it or not, but that very same day I found Masa, found out that they have a MasaTech program, and signed up for a call with them. After two or so days I had my very first interview with them and a whole year later I was flying to Tel Aviv to start a new chapter in my life.

I have been living in Israel for a year now. Does it mean I am experienced enough to advise others to make bold decisions or proclaim myself as a life guru? Absolutely no. But I am here to share the rough and unpolished insights of life in another country.

Why did I do this?

There were many reasons for this decision but one of the main ones was coming from the systemic therapy ideas. To those who don’t know, in short, systemic therapy focuses on the problem situation in the scope of a whole system and how its components affect each other. For example, the quality of your relationships with loved ones can be influenced by your friendships, family, work, and even the surrounding environment. The idea is that your actions are affected by other components and the other way around and that actions are subject to different perspectives.

I have been going to a systemic therapist for around three years and I am a strong supporter of therapy in general. This journey taught me a lot about myself and showed me a way to look at problems from the perspective of systems’ components. The idea to move to Israel was partly a systemic therapy experiment on myself. By moving to another country, I am faced with a completely different culture, language, and different psychological system as a whole. The components of the previous system are not present in the new system, therefore behaving in the same way will not work anymore. To survive, I must adapt but to feel comfortable, I have to reconstruct my worldview system from scratch

I was thinking about different countries where to move to but I kept thinking that the country I was looking for had to be a somewhat long-term decision that generally fits my value system. As I was raised in a Latvian-Russian-Jewish household, was an active participant in Jewish communities most of my adolescence, and had been to Israel many times before, I thought that I was somewhat familiar with the country and generally knew what I signed up for. I knew that living in Israel would be different compared to visiting it as a tourist but I was genuinely curious how different. I was wondering how would I do in another environment and how the new behavior would make me look at my previous life from a new perspective - a perspective I did not have before

A sick experiment on myself? Perhaps. But I was simply curious.

The three phases of a new immigrant

I was told that when move to a new country, I would go through three phases:

1. Euphoria - being ecstatic about everything.
2. Realization - seeing the country’s problems and understanding that not everything is great.
3. Decision - facing the unpleasant realizations and adjusting to them or leaving the country behind.

It’s not clear how long each phase is but I realized that if you think you have gone past a phase, then you most likely have not reached it. For example, after being in Israel for 2 months, I told everyone that I already understood the country’s pros and cons and that I was not looking at the country “through pink glasses” like I was in the beginning. I was claiming that I had already reached the Decision phase. Boy, was I naive and delusional about how long this road was going to be. I was least in the Realization phase, if not in Euphoria.

Euphoria

My family was going to Israel almost every year, so I generally knew what kind of country I was going to. Yet, I was thrilled to live in Tel Aviv as I don’t remember going there with my family at all. I was looking forward to hot summer days as I was sick and tired of the Latvian never-ending coldness. And weirdly I was really excited to have access to all my favorite childhood snacks.

For the first months, every single day was a party, every weekend was full of adventures. I kept meeting new people, seeing relatives that I had not seen for ages, and traveling all around the country as I used to do with my family but this time I did it with newly found friends.

As much as I knew that this rich eventful time would come to an end and I would calm down with adventures, I enjoyed every single moment. However, this journey had many unforeseen obstacles that made me realize some truths about the country that I did not anticipate.

Realization

When I was moving to Israel, I was sure that I was ready for all the challenges this country would throw at me. I was sure that my biggest obstacles would be learning a new language, building a social circle from scratch, adjusting to a different mentality, and managing my finances as Tel Aviv is infamously expensive. To some extent I was right, those were the problems but I could have never anticipated such a vastly different value and cultural system, extremely diverse society, oh… and a full-on war. The only way I could survive in this environment, both figuratively and literally, was to adapt to it and Israel has many things that one has to adapt to.

Culture

Israel on a surface level looks very modern, perhaps even European or American but in reality it’s just a facade because underneath things function differently to what anyone is used to. Israeli culture is vastly different from what I am used to and sometimes even the opposite of what I was raised in a cold and well-mannered Latvia. It took me a while to change my habits and to accept the fact that the things that were considered rude in Latvia are completely normal behavior in Israel, e.g., going to a bathroom in a restaurant where you don’t order anything. Or another example, no one stands in a straight line to order a boureka at midnight like they would in Latvia (bourekas are often eaten after a long night of drinking when every other place else is closed). The Israeli queue resembles a triangle and everyone is trying to cut each other from all sides. What’s more, there’s even a belief that only the freier (פראייר, literally sucker) stands in line. To survive you have to kill part of your inner Latvian or you will never get your boureka.

Diversity

Israel is a perfect example of diversity as this country hosts people from at least 150 countries. Not only the diversity of the countries is massive but the languages, religions, races, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and whatnot are so varied here. Of course, such an environment is full of internal conflicts and misunderstandings, but it is precisely from this turmoil that great ideas emerge and make you master tolerance towards others. For example, I am quite certain that you will have a hard time finding another Middle Eastern country where you will see Jews and Arabs working side by side as medical professionals and saving people’s lives. Such people put aside their prejudices and work together for a common goal despite all of their differences. At the same time, such diversity makes you adapt to everyone’s “peculiarities” like people who are Shomer Shabbat (strict observation of Shabbat such as not using any electronic devices). To give an example, I remember one Saturday afternoon when I wanted to meet up with a friend who is exactly this Shomer Shabbat person. To meet, we arranged a certain time in advance and I was asked to just knock on the doors. Guess what, this friend accidentally fell asleep and I had no other option but to scream her name outdoors until she woke up and opened the door (talking about killing inner polite Latvian). To survive you either learn how to coexist or you will wait a whole day by the door until your friend wakes up.

War

And lastly, the war. All my life I believed that wars were a thing of the past but here I was - waking up at 7:30 in the morning on the 7th of October 2023 to the sound of rocket attack sirens. It’s been many months since that horrible morning and things probably have changed a lot by the time this blog post is being read but one cliche thing is certain is that war changes your life. Now, in retrospect, I understand that my value system has been changed in a split moment that day. I started valuing life and health of my own and my close ones like never before, I quickly understood which people in my life actually cared about me and who gave their helping hand when things were not so fun and chirpy. It’s difficult to describe how the war affects your worldview in one paragraph so I think a separate blog post would be a better medium for that but for now, I can say that one of my biggest takeaways is that war made me learn how to live with an increased security risk and to appreciate peace. Almost every single day I see news of someone falling victim to a terror attack or being attacked by missiles or drones and yet, I cannot fall into despair as I have to show up for work and continue living my life no matter what. To survive you either learn how to cope with the heightened level of risk and appreciate life or you risk losing your sanity.

Decision

Despite all of the difficulties down the journey, many doubts, and, honestly, a few mental breakdowns, it was and still is the greatest period of personal growth. I don’t know yet what awaits me but I keep reminding myself that if I managed up until now, I am ready to face whatever is next.

But sometimes I think instead of looking forward, it’s valuable to look inwards. From time to time my life calms down a bit and I use this time to introspect. Often times I get nostalgic about Latvia, my friends and family there, and just how seemingly simpler things were there. Whenever I look at photos of me departing from Latvia, I am immediately moved back to that very same day and can feel how I felt that day.

Perhaps, this video describes this feeling the best (“that feeling the night before leaving the home country”):

The more I’ve spent my time in Israel, the more I realized how many things, events, and people I missed in Latvia. I was missing all of the major events for my close ones - family member birthdays and important events such as weddings and childbirths. I missed out on seeing my relatives growing older and my siblings becoming adults. Every such missed event made me understand that I was watching everything from the outside. No matter how well the camera was positioned during the phone call when wishing a happy birthday, no matter how many people I talked to on the phone, I was never really with them. What’s worse, was realizing that there would be a day when I would see my loved ones for the last time and I might not be there for them that day.

All of these things make you question your decisions and ask yourself: “Is it all worth it? Are you ready to lose part of your life?” Finding answers to these questions isn’t easy, and to be honest, I’m still searching for them. What’s worse, no one can give me a right answer either as everyone’s situation and reasoning is so uniquely theirs and does not fit my case.

Final thoughts

Moving to another country poses many risks and uncertainties. It will be challenging and often it might seem that there’s no end to the pile of problems that has to be solved. It will be anything but comfortable. Yet, it results in massive personal growth, new unknown perspectives, and friendships. You gain some much that you did not even know you would gain.

The struggle of life is figuring out how you want to lead this life. I decided that moving to another place would be a great challenge for me and I suggest everyone trying to do that even for a while. If you decide to follow my footsteps, here’s a bit of my unsolicited advice, get ready for people saying: “You have everything you need here, don’t move to another country”.